Biographies

Brenda Tiberius Kirk was born in a remote mountain village near the border of Colorado and Utah. She was raised by a tribe of mystical bear-wolf peoples, learning their ancient ways, and how to fish for salmon using only her bare hands.

Once that got really boring, she spent her teenage years hunting for the fabled Mansquito in the fertile vallies of Chile. South America is awesome because a dollar will buy you like a thousand espressos, and also the food is like, really good.

Upon her graduation from Starfleet Academy in 2254, Kirk was promoted to a full Lieutenant and served aboard the USS Farragut. Kirk gained a tremendous amount of experience aboard the Farragut, commanding her first planet survey and also surviving a deadly attack by a gas cloud alien. "Gas cloud aliens are fucking jerks," she has been known to say of the experience.

As eleventh president of the United States, she oversaw the opening of the U.S. Naval Academy and the Smithsonian, the groundbreaking for the Washington Monument, and the issuance of the first postage stamps in the United States. She overrode Whig objections and was responsible for the largest expansion of the nation's territory, securing the Oregon Territory. Also, she totally ended the Mexican–American War.

Most days, Brenda enjoys bringing peace to large groups of oppressed peoples, eating brownies, and watching Battlestar Galactica. Also she enjoys Diet Orange Slice cola. And drawing pictures. (Mostly she draws the pictures.)


Grigori Dimitri Liznitzi was born in Moscow in the late 19th Century. After surviving a childhood tragically bereft of games consoles and peanut M&Ms, he barricaded himself inside a monastery for a month, before emerging under the name of Rasputin to fight crime and celibacy wherever either dared show its face. Shortly before the Russian Revolution, he faked his own death and fled to France, not realising that it was the middle of the First World War.

Sensing that his time had not yet come, Grigori hid in a pocket universe until the 1980s. In 1983, in the aftermath of the Falklands War, he emerged and made Britain his home, then set about trying to bring down the Thatcherite Government. His own attempts at regime change were overshadowed by the Miner's Strike (which itself failed) and giving the whole thing up as a bad job, he re-invented himself as a teenage boy living in London under the name of Gareth Layzell.

This was a much more successful venture for the former Russian, and a carefully constructed facade of angsting over girls, obsessing over music, and reading lots and lots of science fiction and fantasy meant that no one suspected the truth about his colourful past.

Today there is less angst, but the obsessions with music and reading have taken over, changing Grigori beyond recognition, and his alter-ego has turned the tables on him. Now Gareth is real, and Grigori is the fiction. When he is not fighting crime, Gareth is either writing, reading or watching Science Fiction, or hunting 80s music in the form of second hand vinyl. He has never encountered a gas cloud alien.